After working this job, I find myself cringing when it comes to the holiday season.
I dislike it immensely that I have to put off work and rest longer than a normal weekend. I have things I want to do, ideas I want to implement and people I want to know… But I realise that’s just something I’ve inherited from my dad – he’s a workaholic too.
Anyway, I woke up in the morning hoping I could go to the post office… Naturally, Australians seize the first chance they get on holidays, and the shops were all dead silent. After walking 20 mins from home to the shops, I decided to just go further, and jumped on the first bus I saw. Somehow, I just kept going until I saw a place I haven’t been to for awhile.
I went up the second floor, and the place looked rather different. Decidedly, I got myself some breakfast, and then proceeded to buy a movie ticket for the earliest show – which was Monsters VS Aliens at 11.30 am. I had about an hour to burn, so I broke a ten to many golden $1 coins, and hopped onto the bike racing game.
I’ve always liked racing games for arcades, even though I am not that fantastic at them… I especially felt like riding the bike… Because I missed J and riding pillion with him… His back always kept me warm… Sigh.
Anyway, I sucked at it, but I just laughed it off. It helped me waste time, and then I got to the pinball. That was fun. =)
Went to watch the movie – LOVED the blue blob thingy (heeheehee~ still laugh thinking about it) and the insectosaur (sooooo adorable!).
After that, I felt like watching another movie, so I got a ticket to see 17 Again. I’m very torn about Zac Effron. He’s very pretty for a boy, but… He’s quite a talented actor. Just hope he don’t turn out to be those dumb bimbo-boy types or drunk bums. Hollywood really have too much of them, we need more class and talent gracing the screens.
Anyway, the movie was very good… It got me thinking about my own past when I was 17… The decisions I had to make then and the troubles I had to encounter. I must say that I took it much better than Zac’s/Matthew’s character took their own decisions… When I committed to J… I never regretted it. Sure, we had some real crap times… There were moments we’d wanna strangle the other… But in the end, we see beyond that and J is still the one I want to see, kiss and smell when I first wake up, and when I finally sleep. He’s still the one I want to scream at, cry in front of, laugh like mad with and hold hands with.
And now… If I ever get knocked up by J the way the couple did in the movie… I believe he will step up and take care of me… Sure he might get lost… But I want to believe that he will be there when it counts.
It made me think alot, this movie. I’d think that’s how J looks at me when we sit alone and watched the stars a few weekends back. Or when we downed shots in a quiet bar at our hotel. Or when he first saw me at the airport.
All I kept thinking about was what he said: “I didn’t know what to do until one night, I dreamt that I was in a race, and you were next to me, preparing to run. I knew then that I wanted to marry you, have my family with you, and take care of you the way I should have all these years.”
Those words dissolved my anger and pain largely. I think I still feel the pinch, but I can’t help whisper his name as I fall to sleep at night. Love is a confusing thing. It’s the thing that constricts your heart, but makes it burn. It’s the pain you can’t live without, the smile you chase to perfect, the warmth that threatens to explode, the passion that yields you to succumb, the mindset that blinds logic, the yin to life’s yang and the neverending paradox.
Yet… Without it, I am nothing. Funny that.
If the world shuns us and threatens to separate us… Will you hold my hand and fight with me until the end? Will you trust in me and survive the onslaught of cynicism?
You know as well as I do that this is toughest part… You sure you wanna do this, J?
… And yet. I already know.
*stretches* Y’know what? I deserve one day’s rest. Tomorrow, I’ll do what I need. Today, I’ll do what I want.
Night, world!
