Today is my paternal grandmother’s birthday. I never met her, but she’s gone to Him up above. So it’s abit hard, but one day I will. I hope she’s celebrating with my other grandparents up there… I know they are all watching over us from up above…
I miss my parents… We only see them here and then… It sometimes feel very lonely without them, but this is my life. Very different from many people I know, and in a way, it has been this very difference that has made me special compared to the rest. I know how to deal with many situations that most people will cringe and pull their hair out about…
Lately, I’ve been thinking about volunteering myself for opportunities to meet newer people and do something more constructive with my life. I think my life should be more than just my job and work. No doubt my work is very important in the scheme of things, but it just cannot be the “be-all end-all” in life. I refuse to accept it this way…
So I’ve been sending in expressions of interest to various requests… Wonder if they will accept anyone who only has evenings and weekends to offer?
The boyfriend and I have been planning our future of late as well. We’ve been thinking about lots of things, stressing about stuff and wondering how to overcome each hurdle. I think today we made a step in the right direction. We’re still trying to figure out that direction, but what we decided upon today feels right. It’s not easy, being in love with me because I have big dreams, big hopes, big optimism that I can do whatever I say I will do. I worry about the stress he might face because I am used to all this pain, but he will be undergoing it because of me… Yet he tells me his heart is set. I will believe him.
Today I feel very sad. I am tired of saying goodbye all the time. I want a family to go home to… Someone to be here with me so I feel safe… I wish I don’t have to wander in my life so much… But that is my lot, and tomorrow I will be better… Just need to shake it off and move on from this blue feeling…
One day, I will have a home to come back to, and they will always be there for me… They will never leave me alone…
