A little baby boy squeezed my finger today. That sensation triggered the past few months in my head.
That night in January, when J and I spiritually connected. After much trials and tribulations, we saw each other for who we were, and the one we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. A kiss, and a magical moment of sublime happiness. All those quarrels, the silence, the understanding, and the joy. We wanted it all, and it would only happen if we were together.
February, I sat in my bed, overwhelmed by the news I received. “Congratulations; you are pregnant. My guess is about 4-6 weeks…” My hand felt the curve of my belly, and I was in a daze. A little one in me. J looked at me with the virtual assistance of Skype, and thanked me for bearing his child.
I found myself hurling into March; literally. As I emptied my insides, I clutch my belly and begged Tiger to make the pain go away. After the end of my misery, I grew a sense of admiration for my mother who went through this 4 times; I only hope to have 1/4 of her strength to get through the next 30 weeks or so.
And then, the gentle smile of a baby. Made me forget all my pain, my worries, my sadness, my anxiety. Brought me to imagination of what could be, and what I hope for Tiger, for the family I long to have and hold. I smile back at the boy for giving me hope, and something to look forward to.
I am going to be a mummy. It still feels like a dream, that someone like me can be so blessed and have such fortune in my life. To soon marry the man who claimed my heart first and for so long, and to carry his child within me.
Thank you, God.
