It’s been awhile since I felt like writing.
I’ve been thinking about relationships. Families and how varied they are. I’ve got 3 families.
There’s the natural one I grew up in. When I was growing up, my favourite memory was watching my mum cook in the kitchen. It was a time when we would talk anything. How things were in school. What daddy predicted today. How annoying boys are (my brothers especially). She would pinch salt and shake fish in flour and smell spices… As if her hands knew the recipe and exact measurements.
There’s the boys sitting down and chatting about serious things. That highly amused me because they would debate even the smallest things, like how someone did something or why a situation was the way it was. It was as if some higher order dictated their task to decipher the actions of another. I would watch my little brother mull over my father’s words. My sister would always be either on the phone with her friends or somehow in cahoots with mum or buried studying and stressing.
My second family is my work. My boss is a woman of authority, and she uses it to exert her word. However, she is kind and does not like to show it, but she is also very grand-motherly to me. She’d nag at me for taking late lunches, and shoo me away from the office once it becomes close to 5 pm. Perhaps I see in her an opportunity to be close to my grandparents, as all of them have now passed onto an elevated presence.
There’s my colleagues who are like aunties and uncles to me. They get excited for me when I succeed in something, and worry with me when I have a problem. Sometimes, I feel we aren’t all on the same page with understanding but somehow, it works like some disorientated, chaotic-like peace. Like an oxymoron in life. They are all unique in their ways but I admire them all for being the way they are, and respect their aptitude for their roles and what they do for the organisation. Sometimes they fight, but in the end they all have a healthy acceptance for each other’s views and I think its great to be able to come clean with inner thoughts and agree to disagree. I always hope they will remain true to themselves and I hope to learn more and more about this family and work well with them.
The third and last family I have is the one in the future. Right now, it’s only two hearts hoping to furnish a home and fill it with happiness… A dream I really thought about for many, many years.
I remember us overlooking the city’s skyline from King’s Park. He had his hand around my waist and we gazed quietly as the sun began its gradual fall into the ground. “Stay right there,” he said, and I did. Taking a few steps back, he pulled out his iPhone and took a picture of me. “Look here – you are my vision. This is my dream. I will come here and make a home with you.”
That man, I thought; he’s my family. Possibly, very likely, even my world.
Anyway. I just think it’s so interesting how people fit into the scheme of things in this big world we live in. How strings of fate tie people in such intricate ways. I start dreaming about the type of family I envision the third one to develop into.
I’d like a home where everyone is open with one another, and trusts one another. I’d like curious children who want to know why the grass is green and the sky is so high. I’d like us to worry about things together, and to understand when time out is needed. I’d like to welcome my husband home, and make sure all his needs are tended to.
I know this seems naive but I believe that as long as I have this dream, there is something worth living for, worth suffering for, worth giving up other pleasures for… Because of this dream, because of family… I believe I can do things…
I think that the road up ahead will get harder and sometimes… Lonely… But I think that for the result of happiness… Sometimes a few tears and screams and hair pulling need to happen eh? hahahaha~
Anyway, whatever lies on the road ahead… I’m going to try. Nay, I’m gonna succeed.
Jon said
Thank you dear for making me your family =)