Woke up to the sounds of babies laughing, and the 6th day of him not being by my side.
I read a chapter of “The Book Thief” and then lethargy forces the book down. There is a sense of longing, of empty, of forced motivation that runs in me. The Saturdays of fun and plasure have come as many yearn for it over the weekend, but I just struggle to get by without him being here.
Long distance relationships are a real bitch.
Good morning, my love. Have a good day at work.
I imagine talking to him using telepathy, ESP and any extraordinary means. His head nods to me in my mind; I believe he can hear me and my best wishes.
My back is sore as I rise from my bed; it is ancient based on good bed standards (I believe such exists) since I had it eversince coming to Australia. At least come end of the year, we will have a home together… Our bed.
I remember I am getting married, and I indulge in some fantasy.
It is the wedding dinner. He waits up at the stage before our guests. There is the chatter of happiness and friends. All clinking of glasses and tinking of cutlery upon the plates lavished with foods emphases the love of the occasion. Then the sounds fade, as attention of all are now attracted to the door of things to come.
I appear through that door, but only see one person. He looks at me with eyes I’ve seen over our 11 years. Fluid, emotioned-ladled and genuine happiness. His eyes consume my image and run around me several times. My heart flutters in my being and I prepare to walk towards him. Towards the side of him reserved for his life partner, and I have won. The legal and spiritual side that I sat before in the shadows, is now glowing with official light. He watches in adoration as I close in. The girl of 15 years of age; now turning 26. A woman by social standards. He’s watched her throw her teenage tantrums, struggle with adult transition, and slowly but surely, embraced the baton of growing older; with grace.
This is his wife, this woman standing before him.
I lock eyes with him. All suited up, for the first time. Close but not touching. Just savouring the space of now before I step in and break that infernal distance that always threatens and isolates us. My husband; I will love and cherish you for all my days. I will serve you with all my heart, and I will care for you through your ups and downs.
We’ve taken long to get here, and we still have a long way to go, and many more obstacles to overcome… But I will always love and support you.
This is our wedding. Our promise to the future. Our commitment to life.
To think we are not using any wedding planner. Every idea was born out of imagination. Our imagination. At the end, we did it all on our own, of our initiative. Of need.
The need to no longer be apart. The need to come home to one another. The need to no longer feel loneliness and empty inside. The need for him, as he needs me.
Soon, May will come. Soon we will be one in hearts, thoughts and physicality. I will be his completely and I will not turn back.
